When I was about five or six years old, I remember going through one of my mother’s keepsake drawers and coming across a little New Testament — the kind they used to give out in hospitals to babies when they were born. I think it was pink, or it may have been white. My mother walked into the room and saw me sitting there crying and asked what was wrong. “Jesus died! Why did he have to die?” My questions and emotion at that young age must have taken her aback. She told me there was more to the story and I would understand as I got older.
Growing up in Texas in the 60s, I think everyone knew and took for granted that there was a God. We weren’t regular churchgoers, but we did attend services from time to time, along with Sunday school and vacation Bible school in the summers. I remember my heart pounding out of my chest many times when there was an altar call. Even though I don’t remember a specific time I went forward to pray to receive Jesus Christ as my Savior, I’m sure I went down that aisle more than once, knees knocking! I think I felt it was something I was supposed to do even though I didn’t entirely understand why. At least I learned the basics – we are sinners, God sent a Savior, and we can be completely forgiven and receive His free gift of eternal life by placing our faith in Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save us from our sins.
It was during my early high school years that I found myself seeking something more. Back then it was extrasensory perception (ESP), ouija boards, and a fascination with Hare Krishnas dancing in the streets, handing out tracts and begging in airports. I rejected the Christian notion of spirituality because that was too conventional, too dry, too boring. That is until a friend shared with me his amazement when he finally, at his mother’s urging, “got right with God,” and discovered God was indeed real. He told me I would not be disappointed if I considered that possibility too. By God, I knew this meant the God I had learned about in church growing up. For some reason the thought repelled me and I remember having a very serious mental debate with myself that lasted for three days, trying to come up with all the reasons I was against Christianity and this God of the Bible. I finally concluded, “Okay, what do I have to lose? God, if you’re really who you say you are, I want to know you.”
In surrendering to the outside chance that God was real and I could know Him personally, I took a leap of faith. On April 7, 1975, I put all of my doubts, questions and arguments on the back burner and took a gamble that what the Bible said was true. I knew the fundamentals and I had memorized John 3:16 as a child: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” So I called up my friend’s mother and told her I was ready and asked if she would pray with me. I knelt down in her living room and when I got up, I was not the same.
It’s been 40 years since I prayed that prayer and became a Christian. My friend was right. To my delight my life changed overnight and I knew that God was real and his Words were true. I craved reading the Bible my aunt had given me months before and now the words made sense. I was only a teenager when all of this took place but the change that occurred would last a lifetime. This wasn’t about finding a new religion or form of spirituality — I had entered into a relationship with my Creator.
My life has been anything but perfect or easy. There have been seasons when I walked by His side and seasons when I strayed. There have been times of blessing and times of pain — that turned yet again into times of blessing. One thing I know – He never abandoned me. His Word has proven true. After walking this journey of faith for so long, a lot of head knowledge has worked its way into my heart as I experienced His reality in my life time and again. Even though I have been unfaithful to Him many times over, He has held me fast and because of that I have come to know, first-hand, that I can indeed “hold fast the confession of [my] hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)
Yes, Mom, there is more to the story! I understand so much more than I did when I was five, when I was eight, when I was fifteen, when I was in my 20s, my 30s, my 40s — and even now in my 50s I’m still learning there is so much more. My small, ordinary life’s story has been woven into His grand story and I am eager to share it with you and, more importantly, share what I know of His. By His unfathomable wisdom and foreknowledge He declared the ending from the beginning – we have the assurance of knowing how the story ends!
Holding fast,
Lisa
Photography by Lori Zinnecker