It’s so easy to be trapped by bitterness. Part of living, unfortunately, comes with sometimes the unimaginable — being hurt by those you love. And being thrown under the bus hurts. And pain from an old wound seems to stick around like a rock in our shoe that we can’t shake out.

I’ve had my share of what I’ll call “unjust” pain. If I cared to (and I’ve been told by many I should), I probably could write a few best-selling novels detailing the dramatic unfoldings of the ends to some of my stories — my pain being the grand finale. I repeat, being thrown under the bus hurts, especially when you don’t understand it and you don’t feel you deserve it.

And sometimes it’s not done just by those you love. We live in a dog-eat-dog world where everyone is trying to get ahead in their game, whatever that game may be. You work hard for something, someone else comes along and says, “I want that,” and they grab it from you (without even blinking) and leave you standing in the dust feeling cheated, robbed and empty-handed — and very angry.

Or, it could be you set your own self up for the fall — I’ll admit it, I’ve had my go-rounds on that one. Allowing yourself to be treated in a way you really didn’t want to be treated, but you hung on to a great hope that things would change, only to find yourself being pushed off the turnip truck. Or, for sake of words, being thrown under the turnip truck. Either way — deserving or not — it still causes pain and humiliation.

And then there are the ones that hurt us that seriously have no clue. Enough said?

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. (Luke 23:34)

So how is it people get away with treating other people so bad? Why should we forgive? Shouldn’t they learn? Shouldn’t we just teach them a lesson and give them a dose of their own medicine? Make them feel worse than how they’ve made us feel? Fantasize about bringing them down so they get what they deserve? And, while we sit around and try to figure out our plan of vengeance, feel sorry for ourselves all along the way because we are such a victim? And then let all of that blend together and let it fester and fester and fester? Resulting in not only being lost in self-pity, but now angry, bitter, resentful, paranoid for future relationships, depressed, obsessed, warped and trapped in those feelings. And you may come across to others, by appearance, that you’re doing just fine — for the most part. But really, what’s going on inside of you? That, my friends, is the danger zone.

So how do we forgive our enemies? How do we dig down and get rid of the root of the devastation and pain caused by someone else’s actions? Because, it will take just that — removing it from the root. If you haven’t noticed by now, you can’t sweep feelings under the carpet forever, because even if you try to bury bitterness, it won’t die.

Through personal experience, I firmly believe the very first step to learning how to forgive is by truly receiving Christ’s forgiveness for your own sins. Back to the cross — this is what He has done for us. Only when you get a full understanding of how much that means, will you ever be able to fully forgive yourself and then pass that on to others. I can reflect back to things I’ve done that caused harm (then, unable to forgive myself), and I can remember what that feeling of relief felt like when I was forgiven — that huge rush of relief knowing I had another chance. Sound familiar? And when you put that onto the grander, more mammoth scale of what Christ did for us, how He took on the world’s sin in order to forgive us — it begins to put things into perspective. What He went through compared to what we go through — well, it really can’t be compared because our minds can’t come close to wrapping around how bad it was for Him. Yet, He still forgave and continues to forgive, no matter how bad the deed — as long as you accept Him and allow Him to do so. And then He forgets that sin all together. He is God, so He can do this.

As high as heaven rises above earth, so his gracious love strengthens those who fear him. As distant as the east is from the west, that is how far he has removed our sins from us. (Psalms 103:1-12)

But we, however, were created with a memory — so for us forgiveness has to be a choice. And it is hard choosing forgiveness over bitterness. Actually, I think it is impossible to do through human strength, especially for those who have some deep, dark scars from the past they’ve been carrying around for who knows how many years. But — the good news is — Jesus can and will do this for you.

I wrote about this before in the Mind Battles post — it falls into that same category. Through the Holy Spirit, He will give you the strength to choose your future over the past and to choose freedom over bondage. If I had not experienced this transformation personally, I would never be writing about it. There have been some times where I just told God, “I can’t do this!!!” And, then it dawned on me and I finally learned that it was more than okay to hand that burden over to Him to deal with Himself — thus, eliminating the need for me to obsess about and try to figure it out any longer. And why did God allow me to go through all of this? Because He knew, only through His strength carrying the load, that I’d end up a much stronger and happier person — what He wants for all of us.

I’d also like to mention that we need to (and are commanded to) be praying for our enemies. I’m not saying that forgiving is approving — not even close. But again, personally I can say praying for those who hurt me was a big part of my healing through some troubled times. It has a way of lifting feelings of bitterness and replacing those feelings with hope because you are connecting with God when you are doing this. And, also keep in mind, that you may be the only person on this planet praying for that enemy who is obviously in great need of it. We all need love, we all need prayer, and we certainly all need forgiveness — no matter what the circumstances are. 

In closing, I’d like to thank Michael Beck of Journeys with the Messiah for allowing us to use his photography for this post. I fell in love with this picture the moment I saw it. To me, this is exactly what forgiveness looks like. Michael has an awesome website that allows his art to focus on the modern-day relevance of Jesus.  It’s well worth a look, so I hope you check it out!  www.journeyswiththemessiah.org

Holding fast,

Lori

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.  ~ Philippians 3:12-14

 

_{^{Photography by Michael Belk}}